Posted by: nikicf | October 2, 2009

Permission to KICK MY BUTT!

Ugh!  Kept starting to write this post and then stopping, hoping I was “back on track”.  But today I’m putting my pride and shame aside and admitting to about nine days of rotten eating.  I hate to confess this, but doing this will hopefully make me accountable and force me to get “back on the wagon”.

Not sure why this week and a bit has been so bad.  I’ve really tried to consider what might be prompting it, but no huge revelations have come to mind.  I just don’t feel like “being good” or “watching my portions”.  It is almost like a little rebellion (after being “good” for 8 1/2 months), as in my mind I feel like saying, “Forget it.  I’m having what I want, when I want it.”  Not a good attitude to have, but nonetheless, this is what I’ve been feeling.

Strange thing is that it all started just a few days after I hit the 50 lb. weight loss mark, which is also my lowest weight in about 9 years.  And I was so excited to get to this place!  And I felt FANTASTIC!  So why I would then feel this way about eating, I’m not sure!  If anything, you’d think this would inspire and excite me to keep being healthy!

The good thing is that I have still been faithfully running.  I think being in this groove of exercising regularly is going to help me.  For one, what I eat should “do less damage” to my weight.  And secondly, I don’t want to waste my hard work, so can’t abandon the almost 9 months of good, healthy, “clean” eating!  I must continue!

So this post is an invitation to check up on me.  And kick my butt if necessary!  😛

If you follow the link here, you will see what I am eating daily.  I PROMISE to keep this journal (I have been slacking while my eating has been out of control), NO MATTER WHAT!  As they regularly say at Weight Watchers, “If you bite it, write it.”

Today actually feels differently already, so I’m hoping (and praying!) I’m back in a good place of healthy, balanced, under control eating.  I weigh in tomorrow (for good or bad!), and then will chip away at the damage I’ve done and not be discouraged (or try my best not to be).

It is a journey, but one I am happy and VERY COMMITTED to be on!

Thanks for listening!

Me and my kids on my 35th – a reminder for me of what I accomplished by that milestone birthday and the reasons (my family) I did it!

(Don’t worry!  I didn’t eat this Smartie cake!  Instead I had a very yummy/healthy peach crisp!)



  1. Niki – You look AWESOME! No matter how you’ve messed up it’s NEVER too late to start those good habits again. We all have those “indulging” times, and sometimes instead of getting back on the wagon, we sabatoge ourselves and say what the heck, might as well go all the way. But you already know you don’t want to go there. Right? So back you go on the wagon Niki. You’ll feel good again as soon as you get in the groove!

    I may not have lost as much weight as you, but I’ve worked off about 8 lbs from Winter-Summer and that was hard enough. So I know what it’s like to feel like you’ve fallen off the wagon.

  2. Niki, your honesty and openness continues to inspire me! I just went on a 8 km walk with one of my neighbours. We are trying to keep each other accountable in our eating and exercising and were talking about accountability. I appreciate you so much! Thanks for being you.

  3. Thank you both Katherine and Tamara for the encouragement! This blog is a little therapy for me, as I think being honest (about the victories AND struggles) is important.

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