Posted by: nikicf | November 10, 2009

Remember Me?

Yup, I’m still here.  Sorry this blog has gotten a bit neglected lately.  Life has been pretty busy around this place. Halloween and all the related harvest and fall activities.  Followed closely by Jorja’s 2nd birthday, which we celebrated last night (Sunday) with our “gang” of friends.

Today, we are taking a deep breath as life gets back to normal.  At least for few a days, anyways! ;P

Health-wise, things have been going just okay.  I’m still doing pretty good with the exercise/running.  The rainy fall weather and hours of darkness have put a bit of a damper on my enthusiasm, but I have been managing to get some form of exercise about 4-5 times a week.  I’m happy to report that I’ve worked up to 15K during my Monday morning long run, which feels amazing and quite surreal.  I NEVER imagined I could ever run even close to that distance, back when running a block or two just about killed me! I have a 10K booked for the 22nd of this month, so that helps to get me out there, as I really want to improve my time from my first 10K. I’m quite happy about the time change, despite the earlier dark in the evenings, as I NEED that little bit of light coming through my bedroom blinds in the morning to help me get up and get out there.

Food-wise, it has been more of a struggle.  I think I eat for all the reasons (boredom, stress, reward, celebration, etc) and this is hard to change.  I thought I’d had a long enough period of good eating (starting this past January) to consider the habits changed, but realize that with this “habit” it is especially hard.  Since you can’t just stop eating completely or go “cold turkey”. Eating will always have to be part of my life.  Especially since I am not just in charge of feeding myself, but my job as a mom is to feed four others as well!

So I’m still working at addressing the “real” reasons I eat, but sometimes I just don’t know why it is still such a struggle.  Praying through it a lot, as I know I need more than just my strength to develop a healthy and balanced relationship with food.  I’ll be honest with you all and say that I did scare myself with a few evenings of massive amounts of eating/snacking.  Sometimes, once I start with one treat, I have trouble stopping there and not just making it a whole night of eating.  I decide to “give up” on healthy eating, and just go for it.  It is usually when I am alone, which makes it even worse.  I feel so rotten the next day, when I wake up and remember. And wonder why I chose to do it.

There you have it.  Some brutal honesty.  No idea why I am even sharing.  But really, I’ve got nothing to lose.  I tried keeping my struggles a secret for 15+ years, and it didn’t help or get me anywhere.  This time, I’m going to honest and open route and hoping to come out the other side a different person.  And maybe help a friend or two along the way.

After too much birthday cake on Sunday night, I had a good day yesterday (Monday) and feel like I’ve pushed the reset button.  But I know how easy a switch it is to flip, so just trying to take it one day at a time and pray for self-control.  Not self-control to be perfect, which is often what I want, but self-control to be God honoring with my body.

Any body out there understand me?  🙂

Off to make some yummy Pumpkin Cornbread to go with the chili I am feeding our College age small group gals tonight.  🙂

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Responses

  1. Uh huh. Kinda like when we were out for dinner tonight and I was full and wanted to stop, but I didn’t want to package up a bit of leftovers so I ate it anyway. Why? I don’t know. I was full. I totally hear ya.

  2. 15k….holy smokes!!!! good job niki! as for the eating? reading your post was like reading my autobiography…i SO get it. I’m working on extending myself GRACE in the situations where I have an eating oops….sometimes helps me from heading down the “eat everything in sight because I already screwed up” path 🙂

  3. 15 K! Wow, I really struggled to get to 10 km, good for you Niki!

  4. ahhhhhhhhhh, 15K!? we’ll i’m totally impressed! I’m still at the ’10K is my max’ point… wow… can you believe what you have accomplished in under a year? you are amazing…. thanks for writing about your challenges too… i think us girls really need to hear the ‘reality’ of change-making… ya know? it’s not just a one-day choice and then it’s all down-hill… it’s challenging every day… and i love that you are honest and real about all aspects of this process… thanks for sharing your heart. ♥

  5. Hey Niki, thanks for your honesty… I am EXACTLY the same as you on the eating thing… I’m an emotional eater, but I find any emotion will do if you know what I mean?! I also will give in with just one and then eat a large amount, wake up and feel bad the next day… so thanks… I’m right there with you. I think it’ll seriously be a lifelong struggle… a life of small choices. You’re doing so well and look great… way to go on the running!

  6. Thanks you all for your responses to my baring it all. Glad to know others understand and have been there before. Feels strange sharing the struggle I have on the internet for all to see, but I know I’m not the only one and have decided that honesty might be part of the solution. I hate the fact that it might be a lifelong struggle, but am hoping that God will use it to make me closer to him and a more compassionate and loving to others, whatever their struggles and weaknesses might be.


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